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Humour, Life, Student

And then this happened…

My story is so boring it’s probably unique. My university life thus far has had its ups but, in greater capacity, has had its downs. My grades border on failure, I barely go to class, hand in assignments late, make excuses, but I have survived this way into my fourth year. No, I don’t have a life-threatening illness. No, I am not on drugs. No, I am not having too much fun. In all honestly, I was sleeping. And sitting. And eating. And sleeping some more. I sucked at life and it sucked right back. So I quit. Well, I actually didn’t quit… I just decided to take a semester off. But, as all my seemingly brilliant plans go, I was let down. I missed my opportunity. I was, in fact, a day past the drop deadline. Oh sweet irony!

And now this is my life. Broke. Ridiculously Awkward. Notoriously Derailed. In short. That’s my name. BRANDI, not BRANDIs. Brandis is probably Latin for something. I’m surprised I haven’t learned that from one of my many useless university-level electives. Although Google can tell me for FREE that it is not Latin but is a town in the Leipzig district of Germany (my Motherland… or Grandfatherland). Right now, I favour the free search engine over a $500-some university course. Another major factor of why I don’t want to be in school at the moment is because of my bank account. And it’s zero value. So naturally, continuing my education has left me royally fucked in the fiscal department.


I would not stretch to say that 99% of my life has been a big awkward mess. If I try to act “regular,” that makes it worse. As of late, I’ve decided to bank on the “weird and awkward” vibe I exude. It generates my humour, demeanour, and basically everything else about me. I am that person who always seems to walk into people in large crowds. I am that person who will fling a pen, phone, book, anything across the room with no logical explanation why or how. I am that person who walks so close behind you that I step on your shoe (sorry). I am that person who makes self-deprecating, inappropriate jokes that everybody is afraid to laugh at. I am that person who, in a group of strangers, will laugh really loud, and not at all like my sincere laugh, at anything and everything. I am THAT person.

Ridiculously Awkward.

Do you ever recall grown-ups asking you what you want to do with your life? I feel like every conversation I have with someone who is not one of my closest friends involves that question. I have actually considered running away when confronted with that question. Why? Perhaps because my life has been a never-ending train ride on the “Eternally Lost” Express. I swear that every time I try to get back on track, something kicks me off again. I don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing… My life is devoid of any future-related plans because I can’t make the right decisions. My friends can count on me to not have my shit together.

Notoriously Derailed.Β 

I decided to start this blog to document my daily shit shows and perhaps propel my life into something of worth. Characters in novels, films, TV shows, etc. usually start up in a crappy place and end up overcoming all their bull shit to find themselves in a world full of smiles and sunshines. I’m hoping the same will become of me, in time. I’d even settle for just the smiles. No, I am not as funny nor as alternatively cool as Lena Dunham (whom I am currently obsessed with) but that’s what you get. This is me.

In short.Β 




5 thoughts on “And then this happened…

  1. I think you is pretty great. Always enjoy the Kueber humour!

    Posted by Carol A | January 31, 2013, 4:37 pm
  2. BKeuber you’re full of shit, and I love you always. Ps: This is really well written.

    Posted by leahthygesen | January 31, 2013, 11:19 pm


  1. Pingback: This again | BRANDI - June 12, 2018

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  • Hi, my name is Brandi and I would like to express my hatred towards the double space after a period. 1 year ago
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