I’m sitting on my bed, drinking pomegranate white tea, listening to a freshly downloaded fusion of Tegan & Sara and The Joy Formidable albums (yes, I’m broke but I still pay for music), reflecting on this past month and how fast it went by. I am happy about this because it hasn’t been a very good month for me. However, I can’t really recall my last “good month.”
Chances are, you don’t know me very well yet so I’ll start from the beginning…
My 2013 began in the Riviera Maya. It feels wrong to say that part of a bad month was spent in what is basically tropical paradise but it’s true. My trip was okay, as most family trips are, but I didn’t do enough. To tell you the truth, I was bored most of the time. Coupled with a temperamental family full of people who can’t make a collective decision, it was just not a good time. That being said, I’d definitely go back. I love travelling for the views and the history; Mexico had both. Any trips back, however, will not be including my family (love ya, but no).
I arrived back in Canada with cold hands and a warm heart. I was welcomed by the zero value of my bank account, which was, sadly, anticipated. School had already started. I haven’t really given it a chance yet.
The turning point of January was a trip I made home from the city one weekend. I did my laundry (my usual accompaniment in this particular voyage), read The Kite Runner, and relaxed. I was bundled up in my sweats and electric blanket when I had a revelation that maybe I shouldn’t be in school at the moment. I love what I am studying but I never have the urge to go to class or study, so I don’t. I also have no clue what to do with a History Major (something I probably should have looked up before I started university). Early on, I thought I was going to be a lawyer because my dad wanted me to be one and people always told me I was smart enough to be one. But no one ever said, “You’d be good at that!” Right now it seems as though I’ll never know if I am good at it because I don’t have good enough grades to get into law school. Or maybe even any graduate programs. I am just going to be lucky enough to get my Bachelor of Arts. So I decided to take a semester off, think about my options, get my shit together, and return to the U of A as a kickass student. Most of my friends had taken a semester off and have no regrets. I stayed up until 4:00am conjuring my master plan and suddenly I felt better. I knew I was doing the right thing. But I woke up and it dawned on me… there were other factors in the mix: rules, deadlines, etc. My master plan was ill-fated. The deadline to drop all my classes was that Friday. It was Sunday. The ride back to Edmonton was bittersweet. I had to figure out where I would get money for tuition and rent and food and everything.
Since that weekend, I’ve started taking myself a little more seriously. You could say I’ve grown up a little bit. I started this blog, which I feel is the biggest step for me, in terms of personal understanding. I don’t want to write for the reader, in the sense that my sole purpose is to entertain. I want to write for myself, with the hope that readers want to read what I’ve written for myself and apply it to his or her own lives. I may not be exciting all the time, which is natural. And I can’t apologise for that.
So right now, I’m focusing on what comes next. One of my good friends is coming to visit today! We have a lot of stuff planned that I will maybe let you in on later. I am looking forward to getting a job because I DESPERATELY need one and because I actually enjoy working (I’m a weird person, I know). With a job, generally comes money, and I’m definitely looking forward to that too. For the time being, I have those things that get me through the day like cuddles with my cat that end up in scratches, cups of tea, reading my book, talking to my friends, and, sadly, watching my TV shows (of which there are so plenty that I will not say).
Get a little wild this weekend. Do it for my cat.