So, as the title implies, I wrote something I intended to post earlier today (which I realise is now yesterday) but there’s something about it that I don’t like. Maybe it’s too sad. Maybe it’s too boring. Maybe it’s too dumb. I don’t know. But I’m not posting it now. Maybe I’ll post in later on when I can laugh at it. But right now I am just sick of reading it.
The gist of it was this:
I had a pretty good weekend but there were these weird depressing undertones. Not depressing in a depression-type way but more in a Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye) kind of way. I mean it the way he says it. If you’re crazy and haven’t read that novel yet, Holden basically sees something or thinks something that bums him out and he’ll say that it’s depressing as hell. Holden has a pretty odd life and he’s been through a lot of shit but I don’t think he is actually depressed. I think he’s more bummed out about the state of the world and the state of people and can’t find his place within everything. Please read this novel if you haven’t. It’s like the best thing around. And it’s maybe 200 pages so it won’t take you long. I would read it more often but I always get way too invested and start talking like Holden. He is one of my all-time favourite characters, perhaps because I can relate to him. Anyway, the depressing undertones are more my personal issues. I had a blast with my friends but sometimes I like come out of my body and second guess everything I do and say. It’s pretty weird. I need to work on that.
I decided to go to Europe with my friend after classes are over. We have a couple weeks to spare between school and summer jobs so destination Paris is on! Travelling with someone who shares your interests and intentions is ideal. None of the details are worked out yet but we’re both pretty excited. One of our friends just announced she’s going to Germany for Reading Week, which is in two weeks. Now I’m just anxious.
I think I might stop drinking to get drunk. It’s not something I enjoy anymore.
On a whim, I moved my furniture around. I already feel better. Is that weird? Is that possible? I feel like I have new perspective. I guess it’s just a reminder that I shouldn’t get too caught up in what I’m comfortable with.
I just looked up a little bit on Holden Caulfield… it kind of seems like he actually was depressed. Salinger did write the entire story as Holden narrating from a psych ward. Maybe I was too oblivious to make that connection because I was swept up in his character. I feel like I’m Holden when I read but, like Holden at the time, I don’t realise his true state. Ugh, my true state? I feel really awkward having admitted that I relate so well to him. And now I’m going to end this post.