This is kind of late. I was thinking all day (honestly, I was up before noon!!!!) but I wasn’t “inspired” to write about anything. Soooo, in my desperation, I turned to my one true love: TV. Yeah, that’s right. I love TV. I dedicate most of my time to sitting on my ass and watching it because that’s just who I am. If you can’t admit that you love TV then YOU CRAZY.
Today’s theme is … TV UPDATE TUESDAY!!!! (duh, I just told you)
I watch a lot of TV. You may think, “Naaaaah, I probably watch just as much TV as you.” No. I definitely don’t. I most certainly don’t. If I’m home, the TV is on. I’m watching a show or a film. I’m watching. The amount of TV I watch is embarrassing. Buuuut I’m going to tell you about it anyway. This way my laziness can used for good and not for… laziness?
On Sunday, I watch Shameless, Girls, and Big Brother Canada.
On Monday, I watch How I Met Your Mother and Project Runway.
On Tuesday, I watch New Girl, The Face, Smash, and Dance Moms.
On Wednesday, I watch Big Brother Canada and Workaholics.
On Thursday, I watch Big Brother Canada and The Office.
On Friday and Saturday, I pretend to have a life.
HOW BAD IS THAT?!
It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to not be d’gusted. I am. What’s worse is that I watch more TV than that. Friends is always on during the day. And that show is my favourite. I can quote that shit. PIVOT. PIVOT! PIVOOOOOOOOOOOOT! #mostrecognisableFriendsquote #Ihope #hashtagsinablog #notagoodidea
To make my Tuesdays better, I obviously pile up on the TV. It’s a busy night. I actually have to watch New Girl online because it’s on the same time as other shows. THIS is what I do for TV.
I’m just going to update you on my TV escapades (because I obviously don’t “live” outside of my apartment). I don’t want to give away too much info for the reason that you may not watch the show and therefore don’t give a shit or for the reason that you love the show but haven’t watched it yet and you’d kill me for ruining it for you. Let’s start with Sunday, shall we?
Shameless is a show on Showtime, a channel I don’t get. Showtime is known for airing edgy drama series like Dexter and Weeds, my two favourites! Shameless, like Dexter and Weeds, involves a lot of swearing so you know I’m already on board. It also involves a lot of nudity. So it’s not for kids. It’s about the Gallagher family living in a dingy neighbourhood of Chicago, adapted from the successful Shameless series in the UK (which has James McAvoy, the half-goat from Narnia, in it). Their mom is long gone. Their dad is a useless, selfish drunk. The eldest of the six quirky and tough kids, Fiona, takes over parenting but the whole family works together so they can get by. Sunday’s episode “A Long Way From Home” was not the best of this season (its third) but it was still good. I liked the emphasis on Steve/Jimmy’s longing for his old life, one possibly without Fiona and the kids. I also loved how Carl dealt with the Patrick situation. I am not happy that Karen is back because I hate her but she always provides more drama. What’s TV without a little drama?!
Girls. We ALL know I can make a whole post about Girls. Because I have already. I could make my whole blog about this show. It’s the best. I’m not going to describe it because I’ve talked about it before. Plus if I were to talk about the show, I would go off on a tangent and this post would be 10000 words longer than a doctoral thesis. No kidding. Let’s just say, I really like the character development of Hannah in recent episodes, because she used to be a sort of comical character. But now she has addressed her OCD and there’s like this whole new layer to our quirky little pants-less writer. Marnie’s rendition of “Stronger” by Kanye West was so hilarious it was embarrassing. She’s a great singer but OMG. NO. NONONOOOOO. I think Shosh is growing up too but the cheating thing, part of every TV show, was not cool. And I don’t really feel like it was “her” per say. Also, I miss Jessa.
Big Brother Canada is sitting in my good books. BBCan is my reality treat. Wait… I also watch Project Runway, Dance Moms and The Face. Never mind. I guess I like reality TV more than I thought. Yikes. BB has been my guilty pleasure for a while. I love the evil geniuses. I love the drama. I love the funny people that are horrible at competitions (like I would be). So far, the Canadian version has kept me entertained! Emmett… DROOL. So hot. Peter is my favourite. He’s smart and knows how to play the game. The house looks amazing. But I don’t like the host. She’s no Julie Chen. I love Julie Chen. I would probably go all fan girl on Julie Chen. This is my life.
HIMYM has been on forever! I love this show, I really do, but lately I only watch it because I want to know who the hell Ted is going to marry. It is like the Friends of today though. It will be a classic. Marshall is the best character, by far. My friend got me to realise that the greatest episode ever is when they’re trying to catch the girl who keeps telling others that Barney is a douche. Robin is his “bait” but she can’t lie. That’s funny. But the funniest part is when Marshall gets all nervous and says, “I don’t know what to do with my hands” and holds them up awkwardly kind of like a puppy waiting for a treat. SO FUNNY. I don’t describe it well, I know. Whatever. TED, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY?!
I love Project Runway because I love fashion and models and whatever. Right now, Lifetime is showing the Allstars season but I think there’s a newer season being aired on another channel?? I don’t care though. I just happy Michael Kors is off the show. He was so annoying (I’m saying that in his ANNOYING voice, btw). He seems like a snob. And I don’t like that everything he does well, he rips off from other, more talented designers. The stuff that he doesn’t do well… well that’s his own design! Yes, I’m talking about this camo monstrosity from Fall 2013. I actually like camo for fall, it’s coming back. I even like orange. But together… it screams very 2000 when everybody rocked orange bandana tops and baggy camo cargos with spiky buns and very glittery eyeshadow. I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Anyway, I’m stoked for the next season because Mr. Kors is gone and Zac Posen is in! I love Zac Posen. His designs are for the ultra-cool, ultra-demure lady. Plus he’s BFF’s with Coco Rocha and she’s Canadian and awesome and tweeted me once and yeah.
New Girl… well I haven’t watched it yet. I’ll probably watch it tomorrow. But I love Zooey Deschanel. She’s one of the cutest fucking actresses around. I bet all the boys want to bang her. No kidding. Because she’s hot but she’s cute. And she dresses like an adorable grandma/librarian. Who doesn’t love that? I also love her boys- Nick, Schmidt, and Winston. I want to learn their game. True American, is it? It seems like it would be great. I wish I could live with them. I’d probably hang out with Nick because we’re both human beings that are falling apart. I’d want to know what my pogo is though. And then they’d tell me… and I probably couldn’t live with them anymore.
As I’ve already mentioned, I love Coco Rocha. I mean, she did the fucking Irish jig on Jean-Paul Gaultier’s runway. That was pretty much my reasoning for watching The Face, a model competition, but I’ve grown to love it. I’m all about Team Coco but I also like Ebony. This week’s episode was intense because Margaux (my fave) almost went home (she was saved). What was better than the episode though was the major Twitter rant Naomi Campbell went on dissing Margaux because she stayed over one of the Team Naomi girls. I think Naomi Campbell has a HUGE ego. Girl needs to deflate, no matter how slamming a model she is.
Smash is a show about broadway. It’s got some major stars, Anjelica Huston and Debra Messing, a lot of gay people, and AMAZING voices. I started watching it because of Katherine McPhee. She was my favourite on the only season of American Idol that I ever watched. The show is good, not great though. Last season was much better.
I’m watching Dance Moms right now. If there’s something I’m bound to not enjoy, it’s an older lady yelling at little girls and making them cry. But somehow I love it. Maybe because it’s about dance. I could talk about how Abby Lee Miller is not that great a choreographer but I won’t. The girls she teaches are amazing because of her. However, she could still cut it out with the old bitch act. That woman has to be happy once in a while. Tonight’s episode is 2 hours. I’m not hating. Abby goes on a hot date. A girl sprains her ankle. The moms crack me up. I like Holly because she’s the most civil of the moms but she can still get a little tipsy in tonight’s episode. Jill is probably my favourite because she stirs shit and is a party animal. And Christi… she’s someone you love to hate. She says what she wants and she sure gets in shit for it.
I could go on to tell you about the rest of my shows but I’m not psychic enough to know what’s going to happen on TV this week. Also, I feel like I fucking wrote the best/worst school report of my life. I honestly can’t believe how much I wrote. Writing about WWII, a worldwide event that happened for 6 years and is still rocking the world, takes me forever but writing about TV takes me one hour. That’s depressing. No one is probably reading this. You probably gave up when you read how many shows I watched. Oh well. Do you want to know how many words I wrote? 1767. THAT’S A SHORT ESSAY. GODDAMN. Goodnight!
Tuesdays suck… until now!