I feel like I’ve been doling out a lot of solid advice lately. So right now I’m in an advice-giving mood.
Today is … TIPS ON TUESDAY!!!!
Yeah, it’s late. Whatever. I’m not giving you tips on time management. I hate being late but it’s something I generally tend to be. So yeah. Deal with it.
Also, I’m just watching the season finale of The Voice (I’ve watched the show maybe three times this whole season but who doesn’t enjoy looking at Adam Levine and Usher for two whole hours??) and Bruno Mars is on it. He’s got curly hair and is wearing a red suit and just really reminds me of like a mid-black to white MJ. He can sing and dance after all. Why don’t more people feel this way about him? Also, that was completely useless. Back to the point…
So, like I said, I’ve been giving a lot of advice lately. Actually, I feel like a lot of it has kind of been to myself. I am sitting, thinking to myself, “Hey Brandi, maybe you should get your shit together,” or “Hey Brandi, maybe you should get out of bed before noon today,” or “Hey Brandi, maybe you should stop making intentional double chins in every picture you take.” It’s like my own personal, less sexy, weird and awkward version of the Ryan Gosling “Hey girl” meme. (Also note that I never force myself to do things, I just suggest that “maybe” I should do these things)
I guess that’s not the most flattering of images of myself (yes, that double-chinned weirdo is me). But it’s cool that I acknowledge it. Because that’s what my advice is all about.
I know that’s lofty advice. For anyone. Even for me, someone who has basically confessed her entire TV watching regimen to the internet (this reminds me to tell you all to watch this Jenna Marbles video). It may seem like I am completely honest. To the core. I mean, anyone who can expose their double chinned-ness or confess their revolting TV indulgences must be fearless when it comes to telling the truth.
But that’s not so. Don’t get me wrong, I am no pathological liar. I think I am generally honest. I just find that sometimes small lies are easy. Like when you’re late for work because you really wanted to sleep in but instead you say your alarm didn’t go off or you missed the train or something. None of those excuses are really that good. But that’s the kind of stuff I’m not honest about. Which can be alright sometimes.
However, that’s not necessarily what I’m getting at here. I think people have the hardest time being honest to other people because they can’t face the truth themselves. I definitely know what that’s like. I’ve been there and I am there right now. It’s tough to give yourself that reality check, to be honest with yourself.
It’s also hard to take your own advice. Don’t you think, though, that generally individuals have their best interests in mind? I know that’s very optimistic of me, to believe that we are not self-destructive humanoids, but I do think it’s true.
And isn’t the first step in any rehab/recovery facility (I am just gathering this information from numerous scenes from Intervention and its likenesses) to admit that you have a problem? To be honest with yourself? Yeah, I’m totally right. I’m always right.
I know it takes time. It takes time for you to get into your right state of mind. And once you’ve acknowledged that you haven’t been honest with yourself, you can take all the time you need- a day, a week, month, year, if you need it! But that’s where that acknowledgment begins to fail and once again you have to be more honest with yourself. You have to buck up and not get too comfortable after a year of “taking your time” aka sitting at home in your sweatpants with Netflix on and only leaving your apartment to pick up your Panago pizza from the delivery guy that knows you so well you’re now Facebook friends. That’s not the way to deal with your issues. Trust me, I know. And so does Josh from Panago. [imaginary shout out]
I feel as though, in life, everyone deals with this issue. You have to realise that your decisions are not the decisions you should be making or that thing from your past that you pretend didn’t happen actually did happen or that the people you are surrounded by aren’t the people that support you for you. If you realise all of that… YOU CAN MOVE ON. Now how fucking fantastic does that sound?
So for now, I am trying to be honest with myself. I have to accept me for who I am and my past for what it is. As you may have noticed, I’m really obsessed with my past but what can you expect from a History major? I’m having trouble moving past what I thought was normal, what I knew. It doesn’t help that I am haunted by my issues in my dreams. I fucking love my sleep but now I can’t even enjoy that. Who has nightmares that their family is getting back together? Apparently I do. I get chills when I hear my mom’s voice so intensely accurate. I wake up, my heart pounding with fear and I think she’s in my room. It’s weird because I haven’t heard her voice for two years and yet I remember it perfectly. But now it comes with less of a “mom”-ish connotation and more of a “killer in a horror movie” connotation. It’s apparent to me that I am not yet over what has become of my mom, whom is now in my phone as only her first name (I don’t know what she goes by now but no one will certainly be calling her mom any time soon). If I am associating her with evils, I am uncomfortable with my past. Right now I just want to run away from it, like the evil monster that it is, but I know that eventually I have to face it and either slay it, surrender to it, or find a way to cope with it. Maybe that evil monster is really into Dragon Ball Z? Maybe I can learn to appreciate it for that? I really like Dragon Ball Z…
On top of that, I have other issues I need to fully address with myself. It’s as though there’s like this hierarchical system within my soul that I need to go through each problem with and gather the best way to deal. Then at the end, the top gun will take in all considerations and decide how to act. This new problem, a future-related problem, is something I am not yet comfortable talking about. I can’t be honest with you just yet but I have begun to be honest with myself.
Man, life is a kick in the pants sometimes!
Anyway, this was supposed to be me advising you, but once again, I’ve rambled on about myself. The main jab out of all of this is to just be honest. Be honest to your family, your friends, your boss, your co-workers, your religious people (sorry, I don’t know how to be specific on this), to strangers, basically to everyone (practice makes perfect), but most importantly, to YOURSELF.
Tuesdays suck… until now (yesterday)!